Why Fear isn't a bad word

Hey Dreamcatcher :-)

Have you ever said “no” to opportunities because of fear? Refused to take a leap because you were afraid of getting hurt in one way or another? Took the safe, paved, well-known road because you were scared to get lost?

I know I did.

I often hear today from closed ones, who have seen me grow throughout the years, that I am brave, that I walk my talk, that I am being bold and that I still manage to keep my smile. This for sure warms my heart (and my ego, let’s be honest).

I have been reflecting on the comments and compliments that I have been getting and I came to the conclusion, that (before I got a certain virus) I actually just didn’t think about the consequence thanks to my stubbornness. I just did. I do not have a college degree, nor did I go to study at university, like I would have wished to in my teenage years. I had to function. I had to earn money to be able to help support the family. And somewhere along the way I got injected with the most vicious virus ever called: fear.

Funny thing about fear is, it has different types. Just like dengue fever, you can get one type of virus and get immune against it. But the other types can hit you even harder, once one of these villain moskitos decides to suck your blood again (side note: I hate these beasts more than anything in this world, did you know that this animal is the one that kills most people on this planet?).

When in the last Century the most common fear was the fear of poverty, today’s most common one, is the fear of failure, followed by the fear of success. This sounds so contradictory, doesn’t it?

The fear of failure gets you thinking “If I give my all and fail, I have been wasting all this precious time. I could have been doing something more fun and more rewarding instead of hurting right now because I have lost”.

I say, first of all: Be gentle with yourself, thank you. Then, let’s define what failure actually means.

Definitions of Failure: lack of success; an unsuccessful person or thing; the neglect or omission of expected or required action; the action or state of not functioning.

Do you see which words are outstanding? Lack, Expected, Functioning. Those words need a whole post for their own. They are the shot infusing this virus called fear.

We are human, it is absolutely normal to feel this emotion. That’s all it is, an emotion.

New studies have shown that we have 27 different emotions, yup. (Why do you think, do we get all excited when new emojis are coming out? Have you ever written a message and couldn’t find the right one to express what you were really trying to say?). And fear is just like any other of them. And yet, we have learned to give it so much more value than any other one. We even give fear more power than love, isn’t that just ridiculous?

Fear has been created by our cells in a time where we had to fight for our survival. Times where men went hunting and had to feel the fear to protect themselves from being eaten by some scary, hairy monster. Women had to feel fear to protect their children and themselves from all kinds of dangers while being alone, until their men came back from the hunt.

So yes, fear has saved our beautiful faces more than once in previous lives over thousands of years ago.

We live in year 2018 though. Giant hairy monsters have been replaced by tiny shiny screens of our computer or/and smartphone and by people who's biology work exactly the same than ours. And yet, we manage to let fear control our lives in ways, that we feel totally paralyzed whenever we’re exposed to it.

We then come up with all kinds of excuses, don’t we? “I’ll do it when…”, “Others are more…”, “People will judge me”, “I’m too old”…lalala {please go listen to the song Lalala with the following lyrics and take them as your mantra whenever those lame excuses come up “I’m covering my ears like a kid, when your words mean nothing I go lalala, I’m turning up volume when you speak…”}.

“Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.” — Don Wilder

As long as you will be coming up with those excuses, you will be building a whole city of failure with time. People on their dying bed regret the things they haven’t done than those that they have done, even if they “failed”.

I have started to drown myself in excuses, because I was living on terms of other people’s belief. It’s a painful awakening sometimes, I’ll be totally honest. It is so worth pushing through though. Unless you feel comfortable in whatever state you are in. However, if you are anything close to me and have an adventurer’s heart and soul, then you know that we need to feel growth, we need to feel expansion, we get curious about where this could lead us.

So from today on, I challenge you to question your fear. Where does this fear come from? Becoming aware, is the very first step of removing the nails. I also challenge you, to stop seeing fear as a bad word. The essence of this emotion is to keep us safe, it is its deepest intention. I’m sure you might have some people in your life who say they love you, but are just sucking all of your energy without even having the intention to do so ;-)

Then start to flip the script of the scenario. For the example of fear of failure: What happens, if you replace it with empowering thoughts?

“Even if I would have wasted too much time, I would still have gained:

  1. Experience, that I can maybe pass onto others and that are irreplaceable.

  2. Knowledge, on how to improve for next time because giving up not an option.”

That applies for everything, don't you think? It is necessary to course correct sometimes, but would you have known it if you didn’t even try?

Know that, you might not be able to control your circumstances, but you are always in control of how you react to feel about it. To keep you motivated, here a list of the most common positive and negative emotions. Which one will you chose to want to feel from today on?

Most common negative emotions:

  • Fear.

  • Jealousy.

  • Hatred.

  • Revenge.

  • Greed.

  • Superstition.

  • Anger.

Most common positive emotions:

  • Joy.

  • Gratitude.

  • Serenity.

  • Interest.

  • Hope.

  • Pride.

  • Amusement.

  • Inspiration.

  • Awe.

  • Love.

Can’t wait on your feedback on which ones you decide to take on from today :-)

Until then, sending positive vibes along your way and let’s start to catch those dreams 💚



Dreamcatcher CoachComment